Subject: Fwd: DreamHost Newsletter v7.3 March 2005

From: [email-masked]
Date: Tue, 5 Apr 2005 12:40:35 EDT

Subject: DreamHost Newsletter v7.3 March 2005
From: DreamHost March Newslettery <[email-masked]>
To: "Dr Robert J. Stephens" <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2005 22:57:48 -0700 (PDT)

0.  Introduction.
1.  It's a Wiki Wiki Wiki World!
2.  New Mailing Address!
3.  100K - OK!
4.  Be Responsible!
5.  New Charities!
6.  DHSOTM.

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0.  Introduction.

This newsletter did not come out on April Fools like I so conveniently 
convinced myself it was going to. So "April Fools!" on me! I was going
to do all this great trickery and chicanery, but after I saw such 
Internet knee-slappers as "Google Gulp" and "every lame article on 
slashdot" I decided my idea of "Make Microsoft a DreamHost Charity" was
just a little bit more trouble than it's worth. And seriously, do you
want a web hosting company fritting away valuable development time on
disposable gags that aren't going to fool a soul? NO. You clearly want a
SERIOUS web hosting company like us, who spends all their time writing
SERIOUS newsletters at the serious beach.

(non-US customers may stop reading here)
Now let's get on to the meat of this newsletter, which I think this time
should be my personal pet peeves. Actually, it's just one personal pet
peeve.. people who put those magnetic car ribbons (you know, for the 
troops) twisted 45 degrees clockwise! I never understood that.. have
they never seen an ACTUAL ribbon? Do they want to make it look like one 
of those "darwin" fish... but not exactly a darwin fish? Then one day it
hit me. There are words on those ribbons.. like "God Bless America".. 
and these people understand that words must be level, or else nobody can
read them. And the only way to make THESE words level is to twist the 
whole magnet! So they do. And that is a big pet peeve for me. In fact, 
when I see a parked car with the ribbons twisted like that, I straighten 
them.

I'd appreciate it if you all did the same.
(non-US customers may resume reading here)

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1.  It's a Wiki Wiki Wiki World!

Another MAJOR pet peeve of mine is when people fly into Honolulu and then
dont take the Wiki-Wiki bus! Wiki means "QUICK" in Hawaiian, people... 
what more do you need to hear?

My plan of attack to address this shortage of Wiki usage is two-fold.

Fold one: check out the new DreamHost "Wiki" (customer-contributed 
documentation project) at:

      http://wiki.dreamhost.com/

It's still in beta, and it's really new, so it's not that populated with
information yet, but it's already growing surprisingly fast for no 
official announcements. Some day it may even take over our KBase as the
primary way to learn about DreamHost's services as well as web hosting in
general!

Looking at our wicked wiki I'm sure has gotten you a mite jealous. Heck,
I'm jealous. I hear jealousy is second only to envy in the seven deadly 
sins, so you better quit your jealous jonesin right now! And here's why:

      https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=goodies.installer

now has a new One-Click Install for your wiki-wanton butt cheeks.. the
Media Wiki open-source PHP wiki software! Now the very same crazy 
program we're using for wiki.dreamhost.com can be installed at your 
DreamHosted website.. and in just one wiki-clicky!

########################################################################
2.  New Mailing Address!

Another pet peeve of mine is when my enemies submit a change of address
form for me with the post office, start receiving all my mail, and soon
rack up $249,013.15 in phone sex charges in my name. Or at least that's
what I tell Verizon and my fiance.

So.. remember, this is our for real NEW mailing address.. in case you're
one of those cool old-school types who prefers to pay us by physical
paper check, cash (just kidding, we don't take cash), or even home made
cookies or pants (just kidding, we don't take cookies).

       DreamHost Web Hosting
       PMB #257
       417 Associated Road
       Brea, CA 92821

If you send payment to the old address, please don't be tooo upset if it 
takes forever to get credited to your account. And if you do get tooo
upset, I hope you direct it at Uncle Sam's Postal Service, or yourself.

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3.  100K - OK!

Peevingly-speaking, nothing tops trying to figure out how big another
web host is (in order to decide how to most effectively CRUSH them, mwah
hwah hwah) than that the best you can do is see how many domains are 
using their name servers. Because we all know that figure is pretty much
meaningless. One customer could park 200 domains on their account for 
free and at the same time a dedicated server paying hundreds of dollars
a month might only have one.

And that's why we're so proud that this month we finally passed a huge
milestone: 100,000 domains using our nameservers! It's been a long time
coming, and it's going to be a long time before we reach say, 1,000,000.
So please just revel in the numerical meaningfulness of it all for a 
moment.

..

Ahh, that was gratifying, thanks!

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4.  Be Responsible!

Now here's something that doesn't peeve me, but it peeves Dallas so 
much that he specifically asked to have this in the newsletter this 
month. He even cared so much he wrote it himself! Never one to turn down
free newsletter filler, I now present to you a message from DreamHost
Honcho Dallas himself:

"Here at DreamHost, one of our most important jobs is ensuring the
security of the servers your important files are hosted on.  We check
for and install any available security updates on our servers multiple 
times a day and immediately patch any known security holes.  We also do 
our best to keep you informed of any potential security holes in your 
own websites by sending out announcements about important security 
updates.

However, we cannot keep your installed web application software up to 
date for you.  If there is an important security update in some software 
you are using to run your website, you must promptly upgrade the 
software.  If you are unsure how to perform a particular upgrade, please
contact our support team for assistance.  Also, while we will attempt to 
announce very important security updates we are unable to keep track of 
all the available software packages out there.  You are responsible for 
staying informed about any software you are using.  Most software 
developers have an email announcement list you can subscribe to for this 
important information.

Note that if some software installed under your account is used to break
into one of our servers we may be forced to disable your website 
completely to close the security hole.  We do try to notify the customer 
in advance and provide time to patch the insecure software, but that may
not always be possible.  To ensure that your website stays up and 
running you must make upgrading your software a high priority."

Thank you Mr. Dallas!

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5.  New Charities!

You know what really peeves people like me (people with a lot of money)? 
Charities! Always on their high horse, faluuting and tooting around, 
living the high life on other people's dime, always take-take-take 
without a second thought! Ooooh, even now the thought of it just burns 
my goat!

Which is why this month I'VE decided to change the DreamHost charities
(you know, where you can donate directly from your DreamHost bill and
we'll MATCH it.. see https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=goodies.charity)
from the whiny bleeding-heart liberal oganizations of Doctors without
Borders (who incidentally got $1347.22 from 33 donations last month, 
and then we matched it) and the Apache Group (who got $554.27 from 21
donations, and then we matched that too) to the bastions of innovation
and symbols of all that is good in America, Microsoft and Halliburton.

Let's all give for-profit companies some money too!

Okay, anyway, that's something like what I was going to write if the
newsletter had gone out yesterday. Instead, I will now tell you the
actual charities you'll see if you decide to go to our web site:

      LAEP (http://www.exonerated.org/)

"The Life After Exoneration Program provides services to exonerated 
persons in the following program areas: Social Services, Mentoring,
Exonerated Networking, State and Federal Policy Development"

      HeartGift (http://www.heartgift.org/)

"Our Mission: To provide lifesaving heart surgery to disadvantaged 
children living in developing countries where specialized medical
intervention is scarce or nonexistant."

Rock rock on.

      https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=home.charity

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6.  DHSOTM.

And of course, my final peeeeeeeeeeveeeeeist peeve is, DreamHost Site of
the Month winners that use absolutely NO flash in their websites! Don't
they know this is 2005, not 1995? How can you have a dynamic, useful,
interesting website without the web's most dynamic, useful, and 
interesting way Macromedia has devised to create animated websites?

Fortunately, we have no worries this month, as 

      http://www.abodeinc.com/

has absolutely no non-flash content! Hooray! Use them to design a classy
custom interior for your residence! Maybe there will be some Strongbad
curtains or something!

      https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=home.dhsotm

is where to go IFF you have a flash-based website, please.

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Still Peeved,
Josh!

Did this newsletter come off a little too sarcastic and ranty for your
tastes? I blame my possible sinus infection. Next month may be happier,
because by then I'll be married and I can recount for you all the steamy
details of my wedding night! If that's not enough for you to keep getting
our periodical periodically,

       https://panel.dreamhost.com/id/?tab=contact

is the place for you to update your notification settings!