Subject: Re: Grief and regrets

From: Lyn Dearborn <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 7 Aug 2006 06:51:42 -0700

Hi David:
SHOCKER:  Its 6:49 & I've still been unable to go to sleep!!

 > I didn't think about the possibility that you were eligible,

I sincerely hope you are just kidding. I paid into the system for over 
35 years; I reached 65 on the 30th of April, so why wouldn't I be 
eligible???  They are just as happy to get $88.50/month from me as from 
any other delusioned "senior citizen"... I know it isn't easy for you 
"guys" to remember things said to you by women you aren't involved 
with, & especially when you aren't the person who initiated the phone 
call (so to speak), but I do know that I've mentioned that have an 
almost $800/month policy from Blue Shield to which Dave controls only 
$616 because my attorney & the judge were both too stupid to include an 
"annual cost increase clause".  There is no way in hell I would risk 
not having "top drawer" insurance in view of multiple confrontations 
with surgical issues, cancer, etc., & I can't traipse down to your 
"haunt" at Valley Med on a regular basis & hope that they wouldn't 
notice that I'm not really "indigent"

On Aug 7, 2006, at 1:59 AM, David C. Harris wrote:
>
> Hooray for the Medicare signup!  I didn't think about the possibility 
> that you were eligible, 'cause you only talked about your relation to 
> Dave's insurance.  Sorry that Medicare never crossed my mind.
> ========================================

Its true that you don't hear things very accurately, but then its a 
case of something that doesn't affect you except as a friend who has 
already had many favors "in advance" & potential ones in the future. I 
don't remember analyzing whether or not I should bother going over to 
your house to check on something in your mail box for you, or to water 
those trees you love to torture, etc., but I'm also quick to get 
impatient with people I've had previous "trade-agreements" with, taken 
to dinner, etc. & who make themselves unattractive enough to "scare 
away" previous personal relationship by what appears to be your basic 
apathy.

Raaffi was on 2 meds x 2 per day. ONe antibiotic & also 
prednisone.(sp?). My carpenter, peter, came all the way from Santa Cruz 
to water & give Raaffi one dose of his meds, 'cause Jena & Gary had to 
go out of town. Forget the "mostly freed of bacteria" crap, unless you 
count yourself as a qualified Vet, which we know is miles from the 
truth or your dog would have had a happier life & you would have done 
something about your wife's refusing to potty train her animal.

When it became quite clear that your statement about being afraid of 
being bitten was such a smokescreen, I told you that a friend of mine 
(who is also a single lady who doesn't live far from you), would be 
willing to dose the cat, but had never been to my house & wasn't about 
to try it under the time constraints, etc., & you were obviously not 
really interested in the time & gas investment, since after all it was 
only my cat & not your dog. (My friend's dog had just died a few days 
before.) So my old friend Mona (From HR at Stanford) drove all the way 
up from Morgan Hill, muttering the whole way about all the excuses lazy 
men have for everything. BUT that was a good 8 hrs after you & Grace 
could have done it. Mona didn't find him because he was too much in 
pain to come out of hiding.... You guys could have also tried to locate 
him in the am to relieve his discomfort. Kevin found him that night, 
under the rocker -- dead.

> >That he was suffering and it could be relieved by an antibiotic 
> wasn't what I knew.  My recollection was knowing that he had been 
> treated for enough days to be mostly freed of bacteria --- probably 
> less than one percent of the bacteria would be left.

>> **/I'm still working on forgiving you for being unwilling to assist 
>> with Raaffi's medications the day before he died... that has been a 
>> painful one; knowing that he was suffering & it could have been 
>> relieved somewhat...
>
> That he was suffering and it could be relieved by an antibiotic wasn't 
> what I knew.  My recollection was knowing that he had been treated for 
> enough days to be mostly freed of bacteria --- probably less than one 
> percent of the bacteria would be left.  Even a successful visit by me 
> would make little difference in how he felt.

 >And I described how the vet could help with this situation by 
prescribing a few more pills to extend the treatment time to mop up the 
tough bugs that weren't dead yet.

Please don't waste my time or yours on this pathetic "get more pills" 
crap. There were plenty of pills, just no lovers of helpless of 
helpless critters willing to "do for others as they have done for you".

> Plus my guess was that the cat wouldn't let me stuff a pill in his 
> throat.  More likely I'd get bit!  If I recall correctly, another 
> friend who DID go over couldn't find Raaffi.
>
> In retrospect, Lyn, I'm very sorry that Raaffi died, but I don't know 
> why that occurred.

>  [Duh].  He died because he had either IBS or FIP... the necropy by my 
> own Vet & the lab at UC Davis said I took too long getting the cat to 
> them to get a 100%-correct "picture" (but it still cost about $250. 
> Then there was the cremation expense which Kevin offered to assist 
> with but didn't follow through on, & now his new car has arrived, so I 
> know he won't even help me load up my truck with stuff from a locker 
> in RC & move it to the locker in East PA. I have to be out by the 
> 15th; I still have a partially collapsed left lung; my thyroid 
> antibody test shows that I *probably* have some cancer cells wandering 
> around in me.  SO, I get to do ultrasound test tomorrow as 10 am, 
> followed by a critical analysis with Nuclear Medicine, of what to do 
> next, followed by trying to cram stuff in my car that would more 
> easily be moved in a REAL, but I can't even get any help to do the 
> physical part of it.  Forgive me if I sound jaded to you ... Certainly 
> I will think twice, or even thrice, before I attempt to help a 
> friend-of-a-friend ever again!

>   I would not have predicted it from what I knew. Check with the vet.  
> The death did not occur for lack of one antibiotic dose after days of 
> proper antibiotic treatment.  His death and degree of suffering was 
> not something that you caused either.

No, I didn't cause it, but a better choice of friends might have 
alleviated the suffering at least until I can could get home so I could 
get some closure, & MOSTLY let him know now much he was loved, & eased 
his pain.     Amen  ... what 2 sick pets are you talking about here?  
Kashi & whom???

>   Whatever the reason, I'm sorry for your loss.  I know from my own 
> grief with two sick pets that the grief and guilt feelings of loss is 
> terribly intense.
>
> Sincerely,
>
>   - David
>
>
>> lyn
>> /*
>>     - David
>>     Lyn Dearborn wrote:
>>         AMAZING photos!
>>         Begin forwarded message:
>>         *From: *Mari Ruth Cooper <[email-masked]>
>>         *Date: *August 4, 2006 6:55:05 PM PDT
>>         *To: *Lyn Dearborn <[email-masked]>, Marc Franklin
>>         <[email-masked]>
>>         *Subject: Fwd: Fire rainbow
>>         *
>>         Here's some cool pics.
>>         Mari Ruth
>>         Begin forwarded message:
>>         *Subject: Fwd: Fire rainbowThis is a fire rainbow--one of the
>>         rarest naturally occurring atmospheric phenomena.*
>>         *The picture was captured this week on the Idaho/Washington
>>         border. The event lasted about 1 hour.*
>>         *Clouds have to be cirrus, at least 20K feet in the air, with
>>         just the right amount of ice crystals and the sun has to hit 
>> the
>>         clouds at precisely 58 degrees. *
>
> -- 
>  David Harris, Palo Alto, California.
>                GPS location: 37.41988, -122.13388 (1984 WGS system).
>  NOTE!: NEW active account: [email-masked]
>         Active account WAS: [email-masked]
>  Phone: 1-650-856-9126 (has answering machine or me)
>  Lifetime e-mail forwarding account: [email-masked]
>  Postal ("snail mail") address: David Harris
>                                 Medintrans
>                                 455 Margarita Ave.
>                                 Palo Alto, CA  94306-2827
>