Subject: RE: [AthofSV] How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion

From: "Richard Collins" <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 18 May 2007 08:24:41 -0700

Hi Richard,
 
Some good thoughts, Richard, but here is a situation that in retrospect I
did not handle too well with two of my religious friends, a married couple I
have known for some time. 
 
On our trip over to Xalapa from Mazatlan I hit a really bad speed bump in
the road (there are many such, called topes in Mexico). Thinking more about
the undercarriage of my car than anything else, I unconsciously swore,
"Jesus Christ" in a loud voice. My friend, who knows I am an atheist reacted
angrily, her face screwed up and her eyes were all ablaze.
 
"You are going to hell", she screamed at me. 
 
Now this completely unhinged me and I am afraid I let go at her to the
effect that I was not ruled by her stupid  superstitious beliefs about
blasphemy and since there is no such thing as hell I couldn't possible get
sent there. I added that she was not in charge of my language or my life, or
my possible afterlife. Where in hell do they come by such arrogance?
 
Her husband was more measured in his response and took the tack that I
should not use profanity out of respect for them. My answer was that I
respected them but not their religion and tried to make them see the
difference. Asking me to conform to their notion of blasphemy was really
trying to manipulate me and I hate being manipulated in any way shape or
form. Why is it not just as fair to ask Christians to accept this stance as
it is for them to ask a non-believer to conform to their belief. 
 
Well the conversation if you can call it that got really ugly and I am
afraid I said a lot of intemperate things. But, that night we patched things
up and continued our journey. I realize our friendship is not the same, but
you know I really don't care. The unmitigated arrogance of a Christian
damming an atheist friend to eternal hell is totally unacceptable, but I
wish I had just said that and not a lot of other things.
 
Blasphemy so far as I am concerned, is just one more manipulative tool
religious leaders hit upon to force obedience from their unfortunate sheep
and make outcasts out of the rest of us. 
 
Regards, 
Rich

-----Original Message-----
From: [email-masked] [mailto:[email-masked]] On Behalf Of
Democrat Cat
Sent: Thursday, May 17, 2007 3:28 PM
To: [email-masked]
Subject: [AthofSV] How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion

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Home   >   Categories   >   Faith and Belief 
 
How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion
 
There is a time and place for everything under the sun, including
discussions about religion. Whether you are religious or not, if someone is
trying to draw you into a conversation, or perhaps an argument, regarding
religion or morality but the timing and situation is awkward and
uncomfortable, this article will help you find a way to avoid a heated
debate as politely as possible.
 
Steps 
 
Resist the urge to argue. It's difficult to overlook a statement that seems
completely ignorant and ungrounded, and you'll likely have the urge to
correct the person. Instead, smile and say "Interesting..." 
 
Redirect the conversation. 
 
Ask about their children, significant other, health, or job. 
 
Make an absurd joke to deflect the seriousness of the situation. For
example, try: "Religion? No, I haven't seen that movie." Or: "Religion?!
What . . . do you get that at, like, Wal-Mart or Starbucks or something?"
Or: "No thanks. I haven't been able to talk about religion since the last
time the Cubs won the World Series." 
 
For people who are insistent on discussing religion, however, they're likely
to return to that topic quickly, so keep the conversation flowing at the
level of small talk until you can do something else. 
 
Suggest a better time. If you would like to discuss religion at a better
time and location, invite the person to meet you. This will allow you to
control the environment, length of discussion, involved parties and other
factors. Simply saying "This is definitely something I'd love to discuss
with you, but can we do it at another time?" will do the trick, as long as
you mean it. If you do not care to ever discuss religion with this person at
all, skip this step. 
 
Excuse yourself. Remove yourself from the situation by taking a bathroom
break, or by greeting someone you know who just arrived, or even by lying
and saying that your cell phone is ringing silently. Look at the phone and
pretend that it's someone close to you and that you must briefly take the
call. However, remember to return to the conversationalist, because bailing
out suddenly and not returning will be considered rude, and may only add
further motivation for the person to "enlighten" you. 
 
Bring in another conversationalist. When you can't avoid a person who wants
to talk about religion, look for a another person in the situation who you
know has strong opinions about religion and enjoys a good debate. Introduce
the two, and leave them to split theological hairs together. 
 
Be straightforward. Tell the conversationalist that this is the wrong time
for this discussion.
If you are at work, explain that it is not proper to discuss controversial
subjects in the workplace because there's a line to be drawn between
personal views and professional pursuits, and you would like to focus on
maintaining professionalism. 
 
If you are at a social event such as a dinner party or a wedding, remind the
conversationalist that this was intended to be a happy, lighthearted
celebration, and that you would rather not weigh down the evening (or the
morning or afternoon) with discussions about more serious things in life. 
 
Politely tell the truth. "I do not want to talk about religion right now."
If a person rudely continues to discuss their views on religion, politely
ask them to stop being disrespectful to you and your request. Tell them that
you intend to walk away if they continue. 
 
Tips 
 
Recognize the reasons you believe what you believe, or why you do not
believe in anything in particular. Understanding your own beliefs, or lack
thereof, will strengthen your resolve. You do not need to argue your reasons
and, in fact, you are better off not arguing. 
 
As long as you are diplomatic and kind when you positively say you do not
want to discuss religion, you will be respected. 
 
Conversations about religion shouldn't be uncomfortable unless you are
unsure about your own beliefs. It is completely proper to tell them you have
your own beliefs, or lack of them, and are not interested in discussing the
topic. 
 
Religion should be discussed openly and objectively without fear of hurting
someone's feelings. 
 
Warnings 
 
Leading a persistent conversationalist to believe that you are agreeing with
their views just so you can quiet them will most likely encourage them to
follow up more frequently with you. If you let them think you agree with
them, they will may to check in from time to time to see if you are still on
the same page. 
 
Although it is rude for a religious person to refuse to leave you alone when
you have asked them to, it is also rude for you to treat a person as though
what matters most to them in the world is ultimately insignificant. 

  _____  

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